Yucky Monday, huh? I don't really have time to post but I want to anyway. As many of you know, I'm pretty busy these days. In fact, I'm so busy that there are days when I do not stop from about 6:30 am until 10 pm. That makes me sound overwhelmed, crazy, and unhappy. But the truth is, I'm more happy and fulfilled than I have felt in a long time. I love burning the candle at both ends, and until I "adjust" into this hectic schedule and figure out how to manage my time a little better, I'm content to be spent.
Sure, there are days when I wish Baxter knew how to operate the washer or pick up his shoes and there are times when my kids make me want to pull out my hair; but overall, I feel unwasted and that is uplifting enough for the time being.
I have officially become a career girl with her own business. My copywriting business is bring me in about triple what I made a year ago and it's helping tremendously. I also have big plans to triple my income again within the next year. Where did all these professional goals come from?? My kids are proud of me and I am too. Boy is it funny how quickly life can change.
So, I just dashed off some work and now I'm about to take my mom to the grocery store in the rain. She kills me sometimes. When I get back, I will start a reorganizing project for my pre-Thanksgiving preparations. Tomorrow I will work from 8-12, volunteer at the school from 12:30 -2, clean house until piano practice at 3:30, help with homework until 5:30, make dinner, clean up from dinner, read to the kids, tuck them in, work some more, go to sleep, and get up the next day to start all over again. Exhausting? Yes. Worth it? You bet.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Today
Today is just an average day. I have chores to do and work to finish. I have homework to help Abby with and a play-date tomorrow to prepare for. There is nothing special about today at all except the date. One year ago, my dad passed away. I think I've moved on and have handled it very well these past twelve months. However, last night I woke up at 4 and could not go back to sleep. Nothing particular was on my mind, except today's date. That alone kept me awake for two and a half hours.
It is hard to explain what I feel like today. I'm not depressed although you might assume so given my old sweatsuit I'm wearing right now. I guess I'm just blue. Losing him was tough. The way it all happened didn't make it any easier. I can't even see a commercial for CPR classes without thinking about those moments and I can't use a leaf blower without thinking about my son running to tell me he had stopped breathing.
I fear my mother's death more than ever. I talk to her daily and we discuss politics, religion, family, cooking and life in general. My mother and I don't delight in small talk. This year, her opinions have gotten more black and white, and her ability to talk about difficult personal issues has grown dim. I think that perhaps she fears her death as well. Her twin sister died last Wednesday. She was my namesake and the reason I wanted to change my name for most of my childhood. She was a terrible person and a terrible sister to my mom. She did not attend the funeral. Still, just knowing about her death at this particular time brings a lot of things to mind.
All of the excitement of the summer and the busy days of early fall have given way to a broader sense of sadness now. I wonder if it is just for a day, or longer. I felt this way at Christmas last year - just like I'm no fun anymore. I feel so un-fun that I can't imagine other people wanting to do anything with me. Even Joy can't fake joy. People can tell.
So here I am at my most cathartic. Spewing all of this out online for what reason I can't tell you, except that it makes me feel a little better than I did before I sat down. Now I need to get up from my desk, change clothes, and get on with my day. Abby has a piano lesson. I need to start their Halloween costumes. Tomorrow we will build scarecrows and carve pumpkins. I have a party to go to this weekend. I'm busy with work, which is good. Life never stops for long.
It is hard to explain what I feel like today. I'm not depressed although you might assume so given my old sweatsuit I'm wearing right now. I guess I'm just blue. Losing him was tough. The way it all happened didn't make it any easier. I can't even see a commercial for CPR classes without thinking about those moments and I can't use a leaf blower without thinking about my son running to tell me he had stopped breathing.
I fear my mother's death more than ever. I talk to her daily and we discuss politics, religion, family, cooking and life in general. My mother and I don't delight in small talk. This year, her opinions have gotten more black and white, and her ability to talk about difficult personal issues has grown dim. I think that perhaps she fears her death as well. Her twin sister died last Wednesday. She was my namesake and the reason I wanted to change my name for most of my childhood. She was a terrible person and a terrible sister to my mom. She did not attend the funeral. Still, just knowing about her death at this particular time brings a lot of things to mind.
All of the excitement of the summer and the busy days of early fall have given way to a broader sense of sadness now. I wonder if it is just for a day, or longer. I felt this way at Christmas last year - just like I'm no fun anymore. I feel so un-fun that I can't imagine other people wanting to do anything with me. Even Joy can't fake joy. People can tell.
So here I am at my most cathartic. Spewing all of this out online for what reason I can't tell you, except that it makes me feel a little better than I did before I sat down. Now I need to get up from my desk, change clothes, and get on with my day. Abby has a piano lesson. I need to start their Halloween costumes. Tomorrow we will build scarecrows and carve pumpkins. I have a party to go to this weekend. I'm busy with work, which is good. Life never stops for long.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
So Happy I Could Cry
So what's your definition of a perfect day? I thought I knew mine...until today. Yesterday was our 9th anniversary and we enjoyed a nice lunch at docoeur de france in marietta. But unfortunately I spent most of the day working at my computer. Then I spent 6 hours in the car. Not much of a day all in all. But after today, it was all worth it.
We started our morning with chocolate croissants and coffee. Then we headed out to scenic Bass Lake. Baxter enjoyed a 4 mile run while the kids and I hiked and enjoyed the quiet. After Baxter cooled down and changed, we stuffed ourselves with some good NC bbq.
We had a little time to kill after lunch so we hit the local outlet mall for a bit. I found a pair of Gap jeans for $7. That alone would usually make my day - but we haven't even gotten to the best parts yet.
The rest of our afternoon was spent in quaint downtown Blowing Rock. We parked in front of the community library - one of many stone buildings that adds so much charm to this idyllic place. The kids played at the playground where someone was kind enough to draw out a hopscotch course for all to use. We strolled down Main Street and peeked into adorable shops and finally made our way to a homemade fudge and ice cream shop where we treated the kids to cones that weighed 2 pounds each. At 4 it was time to walk over to the local farmers market where we gathered all the produce we needed for dinner, including some amazingly complex wildflower honey.
Then it was time to get back in the car. Life is always better when you take the long way home... especially when James Taylor is playing. There was a moment in that car with the windows down when I felt so completely happy that my words fall short trying to describe it.
We made a short stop at the market to get some fresh trout to complete our dinner. Now I am just bragging! But what a great day it's been!
We started our morning with chocolate croissants and coffee. Then we headed out to scenic Bass Lake. Baxter enjoyed a 4 mile run while the kids and I hiked and enjoyed the quiet. After Baxter cooled down and changed, we stuffed ourselves with some good NC bbq.
We had a little time to kill after lunch so we hit the local outlet mall for a bit. I found a pair of Gap jeans for $7. That alone would usually make my day - but we haven't even gotten to the best parts yet.
The rest of our afternoon was spent in quaint downtown Blowing Rock. We parked in front of the community library - one of many stone buildings that adds so much charm to this idyllic place. The kids played at the playground where someone was kind enough to draw out a hopscotch course for all to use. We strolled down Main Street and peeked into adorable shops and finally made our way to a homemade fudge and ice cream shop where we treated the kids to cones that weighed 2 pounds each. At 4 it was time to walk over to the local farmers market where we gathered all the produce we needed for dinner, including some amazingly complex wildflower honey.
Then it was time to get back in the car. Life is always better when you take the long way home... especially when James Taylor is playing. There was a moment in that car with the windows down when I felt so completely happy that my words fall short trying to describe it.
We made a short stop at the market to get some fresh trout to complete our dinner. Now I am just bragging! But what a great day it's been!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Driven To Distraction
If you check the date of my last blog entry, it just so happened to be the first day of school. Of course, I didn't write about the first day of school because the whole point was to distract myself from my feelings of panic and anxiety! Let me paint the picture for you...
It was early on Thursday morning. We had been up since 6 and the whole family arrived together with backpacks and bags of school supplies. We walked into the school and were greeted by friendly faces all around. After signing ourselves into the visitor log, we humbly made our way down the hallway towards Abby's class. Once at her room, Abby sauntered off, turned around once and flipped a brief wave in our direction and was gone. Little Miss Independent was happy to be there. We continued on to Ford's classroom and arrived to a very busy scene of parents and Kindergartners and many awkward good-byes. I showed him his hook and he hung up his bag. He looked happy to see his name on things. Then we delivered school supplies to his teacher. Baxter took him to a table to settle in and I spoke to the teacher, doing my best to hold back the tears. Ford, however, was teary-eyed himself and looked like he might haul off and hit somebody if they crossed him. Reluctantly, we decided to leave.
That morning was strange. The house seemed empty. The pets even wondered what I had done with the children. I settled in with a cup of coffee on the deck. I listened to the birds and I spent time praying and reading my Bible. I began to get comfortable with myself again. I decided to work on something so I started some ad copy for Great Wraps that needed to be back that day. I had just gotten into a groove when the phone rang. It was Mrs. Merletti. Ford was inconsolable. "We are giving you the option," she said, "of either coming to get him or trying to console him over the phone." Well, not being one to give up too easily, I decided to try and comfort him over the phone first in the hopes that he could remain there until the release bell rang. Between sobs, I told him that he was a big boy. I told him that he could control himself if he wanted to. I told him that I loved him and I trusted his teacher to take care of him. He listened and he tried and in the end he pulled himself together. From 11 am until 2 pm, I waited for the phone to ring again. I waited and I waited. I had to have a distraction but writing about gyros was next to impossible so I decided to blog - blog about vacation. I enjoyed that post! However, even at the end of my keyboard time, the anxiety returned. For three hours I felt like I could throw up. Once they were in the car again, I could feel my blood pressure returning to normal. The panic started to subside.
I never believed my parents when they said things were harder on them than on me. Who ever believes that nonsense? Well, apparently, they were right. It is harder on the parents. I mean, I'm sure it was a difficult day for him too but even now he looks back on that day as a "big" day an "important" one....me? I just feel exhausted even thinking about it. The subsequent days were easier and after a week or two, he is downright happy to go to school and I'm happy to have this new schedule of professional and personal time to myself.
Ford came down with something yesterday and I kept them both out of school today. Early on, I was kind of happy to have them both here. We watched National Velvet and The Three Stooges and ate popsicles. Then things appeared worse so I decided a trip to the doctor was in order. Turns out he has strep throat. Suddenly, I wish he were in school and I was missing him instead of him being sickly and upset and near me. Poor thing.
It was early on Thursday morning. We had been up since 6 and the whole family arrived together with backpacks and bags of school supplies. We walked into the school and were greeted by friendly faces all around. After signing ourselves into the visitor log, we humbly made our way down the hallway towards Abby's class. Once at her room, Abby sauntered off, turned around once and flipped a brief wave in our direction and was gone. Little Miss Independent was happy to be there. We continued on to Ford's classroom and arrived to a very busy scene of parents and Kindergartners and many awkward good-byes. I showed him his hook and he hung up his bag. He looked happy to see his name on things. Then we delivered school supplies to his teacher. Baxter took him to a table to settle in and I spoke to the teacher, doing my best to hold back the tears. Ford, however, was teary-eyed himself and looked like he might haul off and hit somebody if they crossed him. Reluctantly, we decided to leave.
That morning was strange. The house seemed empty. The pets even wondered what I had done with the children. I settled in with a cup of coffee on the deck. I listened to the birds and I spent time praying and reading my Bible. I began to get comfortable with myself again. I decided to work on something so I started some ad copy for Great Wraps that needed to be back that day. I had just gotten into a groove when the phone rang. It was Mrs. Merletti. Ford was inconsolable. "We are giving you the option," she said, "of either coming to get him or trying to console him over the phone." Well, not being one to give up too easily, I decided to try and comfort him over the phone first in the hopes that he could remain there until the release bell rang. Between sobs, I told him that he was a big boy. I told him that he could control himself if he wanted to. I told him that I loved him and I trusted his teacher to take care of him. He listened and he tried and in the end he pulled himself together. From 11 am until 2 pm, I waited for the phone to ring again. I waited and I waited. I had to have a distraction but writing about gyros was next to impossible so I decided to blog - blog about vacation. I enjoyed that post! However, even at the end of my keyboard time, the anxiety returned. For three hours I felt like I could throw up. Once they were in the car again, I could feel my blood pressure returning to normal. The panic started to subside.
I never believed my parents when they said things were harder on them than on me. Who ever believes that nonsense? Well, apparently, they were right. It is harder on the parents. I mean, I'm sure it was a difficult day for him too but even now he looks back on that day as a "big" day an "important" one....me? I just feel exhausted even thinking about it. The subsequent days were easier and after a week or two, he is downright happy to go to school and I'm happy to have this new schedule of professional and personal time to myself.
Ford came down with something yesterday and I kept them both out of school today. Early on, I was kind of happy to have them both here. We watched National Velvet and The Three Stooges and ate popsicles. Then things appeared worse so I decided a trip to the doctor was in order. Turns out he has strep throat. Suddenly, I wish he were in school and I was missing him instead of him being sickly and upset and near me. Poor thing.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Savage Mommy
We had an amazing time down on Cumberland Island. Despite the soaring temperatures and lack of hygiene, we could have stayed another night! Here is a brief look at how we spent our vacation:
Day One: Drive down to St. Mary's (aprox. 6 hours), checked into hotel, then dinner at Captain Seagle's. We all highly recommend this restaurant and I will be writing a full review on my food blog!
Day Two: Caught the 9AM ferry over to Cumberland. The ferry takes about an hour - we arrived, unloaded our stuff, and waited to listen to the ranger's camping orientation. We were warned about rip tides, alligators, sharks, snakes, raccoons taking your food, how not to anger a feral horse, and dehydration. It was very informative, and a bit scary!
We then set up camp, ate our picnic lunch, changed into our swimsuits and hit the beach! After a relaxing time cooling off in the ocean water and building sandcastles, we headed back to camp to prepare our dinner. We ate very well on the island - expect to see some of that action on my food blog as well. We enjoyed the cold showers and late into the evening hours we turned in.
Day Three: This was our one full day on the island. We spent it hiking around. We took the kids to see the ruins at Dungeness. A lot of wild horses like to hang out there and it was really neat for all of us to watch them. We ate our picnic near Dungeness and hiked back to Sea Camp.
The afternoon was spent at the beach but we were eventually chased in by a thunderstorm. It was surprisingly fun to sit in a hot tent and play cards while it rained outside. Baxter and I enjoyed a glass of boxed wine and the kids just thought everything was more fun in a tent. After dinner and another cold shower, we took a late stroll on the beach at sunset. We were excited to see a deer on the sand dunes walking back. It was a majestic setting, full of surprises. We ended up taking the rainfly off of the tent for the night. It was a bit risky but well worth the fresh air inside. Next year, we will definitely invest in some tent fans!
Day Four: Baxter and I were up early making breakfast when we heard a loud commotion in the brush. We looked up and saw a horse coming straight towards our campsite! I tip-toed to the tent and woke up the kids just in time for them to open their eyes and watch the horse walk right by the tent. I was so happy that the rainfly was off so they could watch the whole thing!
After a disastrous breakfast of cold and chewy rice pudding (which you should apparently never freeze), we packed up our campsite and headed for the dock. Our ferry ride back was nice and we were glad to be leaving with a record-setting 101 high temperature and heat index of 119 headed our way. We all took "hobo baths" in the public restroom and headed to Lang's for one last seafood meal. While not as good as Seagle's, Lang's does offer some of the best fried, fresh-caught shrimp you'll ever have. Plus, the ice-cold drinks were just fabulous (as was the air conditioning). We made one more stop for ice cream at the general store and started a new tradition of buying a Christmas ornament on vacation. After several moves, we need a few more ornaments.
We made it back in time for dinner in Smyrna. All in all, it was a great little trip - not too costly and full of new sights, sounds and adventure. The kids were sad to leave and can't wait to go back.
A word to the wise - an ounce of planning is worth a pound of cure. I did a very good job planning and packing for the family. It took a 7 hour shopping trip, a list 4 pages long, and a lot of hair-pulling and google-searching but it was well worth it. We needed most of what I packed and only added 4 items to the packing list when we got back. Those 4 things were a red flashlight so we can watch the sea turtles laying eggs in the dunes at night (no white lights are allowed out there at night), tent fans, a large tarp, and dry ice instead of regular ice for the cooler. There is no store or way of getting provisions of any kind on the island. What you pack in is what you have access to - that's it. So planning is everything if you want to make a trip to Cumberland. There was a family down there by the name of Rentz who has had their family reunion on Cumberland Island for over 25 years. This year, there were 4 generations camping, including a baby under 1 year. With good planning, anyone can enjoy this beautiful example of a sub-tropical Georgia ecosystem. For information on planning your visit, here are a few good places to start:
http://www.stmaryswelcome.com/ (St. Mary's, Ga official page)
http://www.nps.gov/cuis/index.htm (Cumberland Island Info from The National Park Service)
http://www.campingblogger.net/ (one of many blogs where I found useful info to help me plan our trip)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Unsettled
A week after our move, we are still far from being settled in. I have managed to get the major living areas livable, but there is much left to be done. I have resorted to list making, which is pretty futile when you can only afford to do half of what is on your list in the first place.
I have big plans for the basement that will take thousands of dollars to complete. I have big plans for the outside of the house: adding a front porch, taking down some trees, and putting in a zip line for the kids. That's going to take some big bucks. I also have two bathrooms that need complete remodels. If something is going to take more than a year complete, why bother writing this stuff down? Here is a sample list:
-organize clothes
-finish painting bathrooms
-mud walls in basement
Really? Gonna get to that one this weekend?
Baxter worked Tuesday through Friday, so most of the unpacking and arranging fell on me. Frankly, I prefer it that way because I like to have complete autonomy when it comes to deciding where our stuff lives. By the time Saturday arrived, his honey-do list had grown quite long and the weekend ended in frustration - several things started but none completed.
Despite my relaxed albeit, flippant tone, I am quite anxious. I have to find a way to help Baxter pay for this new home of ours and I have very little time at the end of the day to focus on a real job search. I'm having a recurring dream in which I'm back in high school or college and it's the end of the semester and I am going to fail a class because I never attended. In some cases, I can't find the classroom and intend on dropping the class but forget until it's too late. Other times, I realize that I have work to catch up on and attempt to make it right but my attempts are futile. At first, I thought this was a dream related to moving, or a dream related to me being somewhat behind with my copywriting work. Today, however, I realize that it probably has more to do with me going back to work full-time and missed opportunities. I really need to put decorating on hold and focus on a job search. I would hate to miss the perfect opportunity because I was obsessively organizing Abby's Littlest Pet Shop collection. Additionally, I will be able to afford all of these home updates with a better job.
I also struggle with letting go. I know that things happen in their own time and I know I am where I should be. I feel at peace with that. God has ultimate authority over my life and there is a plan being played out, even if it feels like we're running in circles sometimes. I wanted to start work in August, when the kids start school. I didn't want to cancel our trip at the end of July and I wanted to spend the summer loving my kids as much as I can and preparing them for school. Well, August is almost here. I feel that quickening feeling, like being on the precipice of something new. Time to pray for patience, peace, and fearlessness.
I have big plans for the basement that will take thousands of dollars to complete. I have big plans for the outside of the house: adding a front porch, taking down some trees, and putting in a zip line for the kids. That's going to take some big bucks. I also have two bathrooms that need complete remodels. If something is going to take more than a year complete, why bother writing this stuff down? Here is a sample list:
-organize clothes
-finish painting bathrooms
-mud walls in basement
Really? Gonna get to that one this weekend?
Baxter worked Tuesday through Friday, so most of the unpacking and arranging fell on me. Frankly, I prefer it that way because I like to have complete autonomy when it comes to deciding where our stuff lives. By the time Saturday arrived, his honey-do list had grown quite long and the weekend ended in frustration - several things started but none completed.
Despite my relaxed albeit, flippant tone, I am quite anxious. I have to find a way to help Baxter pay for this new home of ours and I have very little time at the end of the day to focus on a real job search. I'm having a recurring dream in which I'm back in high school or college and it's the end of the semester and I am going to fail a class because I never attended. In some cases, I can't find the classroom and intend on dropping the class but forget until it's too late. Other times, I realize that I have work to catch up on and attempt to make it right but my attempts are futile. At first, I thought this was a dream related to moving, or a dream related to me being somewhat behind with my copywriting work. Today, however, I realize that it probably has more to do with me going back to work full-time and missed opportunities. I really need to put decorating on hold and focus on a job search. I would hate to miss the perfect opportunity because I was obsessively organizing Abby's Littlest Pet Shop collection. Additionally, I will be able to afford all of these home updates with a better job.
I also struggle with letting go. I know that things happen in their own time and I know I am where I should be. I feel at peace with that. God has ultimate authority over my life and there is a plan being played out, even if it feels like we're running in circles sometimes. I wanted to start work in August, when the kids start school. I didn't want to cancel our trip at the end of July and I wanted to spend the summer loving my kids as much as I can and preparing them for school. Well, August is almost here. I feel that quickening feeling, like being on the precipice of something new. Time to pray for patience, peace, and fearlessness.
Friday, July 2, 2010
I Want Me A Hat!
I'm tempted to poll the husbands out there and ask them what's the sexiest thing they've ever seen their wives doing? However, we need to keep this blog PG for the kids' sake. According to Baxter, the sexiest thing he's ever seen me do was grab a single-shot bolt-action rifle and run after a varmint on our deck. You see, we have a raccoon living in the attic of the new house. My sister used to feed it cat food.
Anyway, the kids saw it coming out of the hole it made under the roof line and I sprang into action. I would have gotten a shot off if I had been out there a second sooner (and if the gun had been loaded). Baxter has now informed me which one was loaded and I'm so glad that the kids have no idea, you know, if I'm not watching them for like 10 seconds and they decide to give it a go. I mean, there's only a 33% chance that they'll grab the loaded 22. That makes me feel so much better. I think I'm in charge of the guns now. And after the scene he witnessed two nights ago, I don't think there's going to be any argument.
Anyway, the kids saw it coming out of the hole it made under the roof line and I sprang into action. I would have gotten a shot off if I had been out there a second sooner (and if the gun had been loaded). Baxter has now informed me which one was loaded and I'm so glad that the kids have no idea, you know, if I'm not watching them for like 10 seconds and they decide to give it a go. I mean, there's only a 33% chance that they'll grab the loaded 22. That makes me feel so much better. I think I'm in charge of the guns now. And after the scene he witnessed two nights ago, I don't think there's going to be any argument.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Paint Therapy
I love decorating. Along with puppeteer, nurse, teacher, gelato shop owner and motivational speaker, I could have become an interior designer - or maybe a professional painter. I love to paint. I love the rhythm and concentration. Next to yoga, it's the most calming thing I can do. Yesterday, we painted our bedroom a very vibrant color. I want our bedroom to be a bright, cheerful and peaceful retreat from the world. I want to feel as if we've just arrived at our destination every time we go to bed. I want to wake up in a room that feels like it's in another world before we have to get on with life in the real one. That's my goal. To reach that goal, I needed a very passionate color to take us there. I chose Dragon Fruit. Dragon Fruit is an actual fruit and it's gorgeous. Basically, this is what my room should look like when we're all done:
Friday, June 18, 2010
Change Is A Comin'
So, change is happening around here. I'm going to start painting and cleaning up the new house next week and we should start moving stuff in that weekend. I hope that once we actually get settled in, I can think of things less shallow than paint colors and to-do lists. That's partly why I'm blogging right now instead of writing for Skip. I need to process the fullness of all that's going on around me.
Have any of you noticed the recession going on? How about the inflation too? It's bad out there, people. What better time for me to decide to go back to work? Yes, I have decided to go back to work. What does this mean? I already work now. I freelance and do okay with that - but I need more money. I guess I'm really not going back to work so much as I've agreed to be someone else's slave again. Sounds fun. I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm okay with not homeschooling anymore, really. All those feelings of abandoning my children - I've let them go - and I think my kids are going to be on a serious adventure in public school this year.
I'm not really scared of being out there in the workplace. I guess it's more a feeling of uncertainty about the caliber of job I can find right now and my own ability to do everything required by my family in addition to working full time. I'll go ahead and tell you, Baxter is not going to be doing laundry. I've known him since 1999 and he has never done laundry once so I'm sure that he won't be starting now. Dishes? Maybe. Other household chores? Possibly. Consistently? Definitely not. Now I'm not on here to talk bad about my hubby - he contributes so much to our family in other ways. I'm just not sure I can do it all myself. So, does that mean I need a housekeeper? Can I justify that? Should I just do it all and continue cutting corners so that we can leapfrog ourselves into financial security? Of course I should. Will I? I don't envision myself having the energy to work 9-5, drive to pick up the kids, go home, tend to the animals, take in the mail, start dinner, escort kids to practice of some kind, eat dinner, clean up, put kids in bed, do laundry, chores, etc... and collapse. I need some downtime too. There's a lot I don't know about working full time and managing a family, like, I don't know if I can actually do it.
Besides that, I'm excited about the possibility of going back full time. I have so much to offer the right company if I can find it. I have about 6 weeks to get my ducks in a row before I really heat up my job search. There's no sense in starting something until the kids are in school. I will cherish this time. Time to get moved, settled, decorated, and have some semblance of routine before I embark on this new journey. I guess my main concern in today's world is to find a job period. Let's hope I can!
Have any of you noticed the recession going on? How about the inflation too? It's bad out there, people. What better time for me to decide to go back to work? Yes, I have decided to go back to work. What does this mean? I already work now. I freelance and do okay with that - but I need more money. I guess I'm really not going back to work so much as I've agreed to be someone else's slave again. Sounds fun. I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm okay with not homeschooling anymore, really. All those feelings of abandoning my children - I've let them go - and I think my kids are going to be on a serious adventure in public school this year.
I'm not really scared of being out there in the workplace. I guess it's more a feeling of uncertainty about the caliber of job I can find right now and my own ability to do everything required by my family in addition to working full time. I'll go ahead and tell you, Baxter is not going to be doing laundry. I've known him since 1999 and he has never done laundry once so I'm sure that he won't be starting now. Dishes? Maybe. Other household chores? Possibly. Consistently? Definitely not. Now I'm not on here to talk bad about my hubby - he contributes so much to our family in other ways. I'm just not sure I can do it all myself. So, does that mean I need a housekeeper? Can I justify that? Should I just do it all and continue cutting corners so that we can leapfrog ourselves into financial security? Of course I should. Will I? I don't envision myself having the energy to work 9-5, drive to pick up the kids, go home, tend to the animals, take in the mail, start dinner, escort kids to practice of some kind, eat dinner, clean up, put kids in bed, do laundry, chores, etc... and collapse. I need some downtime too. There's a lot I don't know about working full time and managing a family, like, I don't know if I can actually do it.
Besides that, I'm excited about the possibility of going back full time. I have so much to offer the right company if I can find it. I have about 6 weeks to get my ducks in a row before I really heat up my job search. There's no sense in starting something until the kids are in school. I will cherish this time. Time to get moved, settled, decorated, and have some semblance of routine before I embark on this new journey. I guess my main concern in today's world is to find a job period. Let's hope I can!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Drought of 2008
Do you ever wonder what stuff will leave a lasting impact on your kids? I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I am realizing my oldest is at the age to remember most everything into adulthood. She is old enough to make lifelong friends and carry scars around when people mistreat her. I need to be wary of letting them hear things on the news and when I'm being candid with a friend over the phone about problems within the family. Little minds are being shaped here!
I have also been thinking about The Gulf oil spill. It has to be the worst disaster ever, or at least in our lifetime. The vastness of its' impact is hard to comprehend. I wonder if this will make my kids more sensitive to environmental issues, more concerned for animals, or turn them into members of E.L.F. You just never know. A little thing can have a huge impact. I overheard a teacher telling my mom that I'd be a writer when I grew up and it's all I ever wanted to do after that. What are we telling our kids that will impact them as adults? Are we telling them they're beautiful or scolding them for being bratty? Are we telling them they are kind or are we rolling our eyes and being sarcastic to them when they don't listen the first time? Are we helping them become the best they can be or are we stunting their spiritual growth?
We had a drought in 2008 and had to really watch how much water we used. Driving past the local lakes would make you want to cry, seeing docks standing there in clay, dust flying around in the morning instead of dew. We caught every drop of water we could in the shower to water plants with. I used bathwater from the kids to keep my lilies alive. Don't worry, I used a biodegradable soap. It was so bad, we watched how many times we flushed the toilet and only flushed after it was really necessary. I know this sounds gross, but it was the worst drought in state history. At the time, Abby was 5 and Ford was 3 and this has apparently left a huge mark on them because they still can't remember to flush the toilet! Twice a day, I smell something and I find a present in there from one of them. They remember to wash their hands. They remember to wipe well, but they cannot remember to flush. If this one thing so easily molded their behavior, it does make me wonder what else will stick. I hope it's mostly the good stuff.
I have also been thinking about The Gulf oil spill. It has to be the worst disaster ever, or at least in our lifetime. The vastness of its' impact is hard to comprehend. I wonder if this will make my kids more sensitive to environmental issues, more concerned for animals, or turn them into members of E.L.F. You just never know. A little thing can have a huge impact. I overheard a teacher telling my mom that I'd be a writer when I grew up and it's all I ever wanted to do after that. What are we telling our kids that will impact them as adults? Are we telling them they're beautiful or scolding them for being bratty? Are we telling them they are kind or are we rolling our eyes and being sarcastic to them when they don't listen the first time? Are we helping them become the best they can be or are we stunting their spiritual growth?
We had a drought in 2008 and had to really watch how much water we used. Driving past the local lakes would make you want to cry, seeing docks standing there in clay, dust flying around in the morning instead of dew. We caught every drop of water we could in the shower to water plants with. I used bathwater from the kids to keep my lilies alive. Don't worry, I used a biodegradable soap. It was so bad, we watched how many times we flushed the toilet and only flushed after it was really necessary. I know this sounds gross, but it was the worst drought in state history. At the time, Abby was 5 and Ford was 3 and this has apparently left a huge mark on them because they still can't remember to flush the toilet! Twice a day, I smell something and I find a present in there from one of them. They remember to wash their hands. They remember to wipe well, but they cannot remember to flush. If this one thing so easily molded their behavior, it does make me wonder what else will stick. I hope it's mostly the good stuff.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I'd Like To Kill A Mockingbird
We have crazy mockingbirds near my house. My poor cat is being terrorized by them! First, she got trapped in the park near our house for two days. The pair was guarding the entrance in and out of the park and she had to wait for us to find her. Well, she never came home last night and so today I had to go around the street shaking food. When I turned the corner, I heard her and then saw her under a bushy tree in my neighbor's yard. She wouldn't come to me, only sat there meowing at me to rescue her. I scooped her up and she started eating right there in my arms. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see one of these crazed birds coming right at me!! Thankfully, I had the dogs with me and I think that scared it off last second or it would have pecked my hair! Baxter now tells me there was a third incident a few days ago when he saw Pumpkin being chased by two birds around the other corner. Well, they've really got it in for us! So what do I do about that? I really hate birds anyway. I mean, I love to hear them sing and I think they're really REALLY pretty and all - but I have never been one of those bird-people who want to keep them in cages, train them to talk, and have a personal relationship with them. Birds always seem a little aggressive to me - they can fly, they have pointy beaks. I'm just now realizing that chickens are birds and I do want chickens. They're different - maybe it's the flying thing. This is what I thought of today...
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Design Ideas
This blog is really a hodge-podge, isn't it? All I can think of today is paint colors and furniture arranging, so I guess that's what I need to write about! We'll be moving next month and I will have 2-3 weeks to get the inside of the house painted and move-in ready beforehand. Everything we did to the bungalow has been of necessity and this time it's purely cosmetic stuff that I want to do. So much more fun! OK, let's get to it.
Kitchen: What I have now is plain white painted cabinets with brass knobs - pretty dreary. What I want is this, sort of. I really want a warmer, more golden color on the cabinets, but you get the idea.
Kitchen: What I have now is plain white painted cabinets with brass knobs - pretty dreary. What I want is this, sort of. I really want a warmer, more golden color on the cabinets, but you get the idea.
Master Suite: Again, what I have is pretty standard stuff, off-white, I think. I cannot come up with a picture of what I want so I'll do my best to describe it. Dark wood furniture, vibrant red raspberry walls, white trim, white bedding and a small amount of Caribbean blue and lemon yellow. I want to create the look of a Caribbean retreat - bright and exciting while still relaxing. Who knows, maybe I'll start drinking Pina Coladas in bed! And the most important thing? No more computer in our bedroom!!!!!
Abby's Room: The finding pictures thing isn't working out for me right now. Let's just hope your imagination is as good as mine is! She wants pale pink walls with stenciled black cats. Her bed is brass and black. Black antiqued accent tables. Pale pink bedding with at least one faux fur black pillow. We found a black beaded chandelier. One whole wall is already mirrored so when we're done, this room will just reek with fabulousness.
Ford's Room: He wants a hunting room. This was the most difficult one to imagine but by far the funnest to create. Khaki walls adorned with targets to aim his nurf shotguns at. A sign on the outside of the door "posting" the property for trespassers. Black metal bunk beds with heavy mossy netting around the top for camouflage. Oh, and Baxter finally gets to hang a deer head in the house! Wow will he be excited!
Dining Room: Neutral tone, either ecru or gray on the walls. Simple muted tones with a splash or two of raspberry, blue or yellow to tie in some of the other areas of the house.
Den: Same neutral tone as the dining room, natural slip-covered furniture, muted tones overall with some splashes of color from the throw pillows and other accessories.
So, what are my big overall decorative changes? Having downsized and now expanding again, I won't be filling every nook and cranny of my house right away. I'm going to mostly move in first and seek out specific additions as I see fit. I'm not just going to start collecting furniture willy-nilly. We will probably have less artwork on the walls than we used to and certainly more than we do now. I really don't know where I will be putting the big red paintings that hang in our bedroom now. We've had a red thing going on for a while now and I'm pretty tired of it. They might find a home in our finished basement but I'm going to let the walls talk to me before I hang anything up. I want more room for family photos!! And I want to dust less. I am never buying colored or patterned sheets again, or colored towels. In fact, I want white dishes too. I want to simplify and I'm looking for clean lines, less clutter, and more time to relax in our home. I love decorating and I hope to begin in a couple of weeks!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
My Blonde Baby
Sometimes I think Abby is too good to be true. I know I'm her mom and I know I'm biased, but really - it's just everything I ever thought having a daughter would be like. She's 7 1/2 now. Too big for her britches. She still asks me to braid her hair, but she also likes to put on frosty lip gloss when I'm not paying attention. She got caught at the Mexican restaurant last week and tried to hide her lips from me. Didn't work out the way she thought it would. I wasn't really mad, but I did make her wipe it off.
This week, she was invited to a Felicity-themed-American Girl-birthday-party-extravaganza. I have secretly wanted to make her and her doll matching dresses since Christmas but haven't had a good excuse. I took the opportunity to avoid laundry, meal preparation, and general cleanliness to get the dress done in time. My mother found some old fabric, perfect for this sort of thing, with pretty yellow, lavender, coral and blue flowers. I trimmed the dresses in yellow ribbon and made her a bonnet and purse to match for each of them. She looked more beautiful and more pure and more Abby than I've seen her look since the day she was born. When we left for the party, I did feel something like pride; but it was more complicated than that. I don't really have a word for the way I felt. Maybe I was just happy for her. I hope to have many moments like that.
Last night, she spent the night with a friend. They stayed up way too late and watched Hannah Montana reruns and painted their toenails on towels. Today, she asked me if I could help her get the blue polish off of her toes. The boys had an event to attend together, so we had a "girls night." We took a long walk around Smyrna and talked the whole time. We talked about her brother and how I was like him in some ways when I was growing up and how I was like her in some ways when I was growing up. Then we talked about Patrick Owen, who used to hit me in the head with his metal lunch box and how he really had a crush on me. We laughed at how silly boys are. She talked vaguely about boys that liked her but wouldn't get specific. Then, we had leftovers for dinner in front of the TV and we painted our toenails on towels and had the most fun!
Today was a special day. Her whole week has been pretty special - but even on hard days when we don't get along and the thought of what 14 will bring sends shivers down my spine, she always ends the day with the same words in her sweet little voice, "Mommy, I love you." It's simple, it's sincere, and it has to be one of my favorite things in this whole world. Like I always tell her, if I could pick any little girl in the whole world to me my little girl, I would pick her. Thank you God for blessing me with this precious daughter! May we always be as close - closer - than we are today.
This week, she was invited to a Felicity-themed-American Girl-birthday-party-extravaganza. I have secretly wanted to make her and her doll matching dresses since Christmas but haven't had a good excuse. I took the opportunity to avoid laundry, meal preparation, and general cleanliness to get the dress done in time. My mother found some old fabric, perfect for this sort of thing, with pretty yellow, lavender, coral and blue flowers. I trimmed the dresses in yellow ribbon and made her a bonnet and purse to match for each of them. She looked more beautiful and more pure and more Abby than I've seen her look since the day she was born. When we left for the party, I did feel something like pride; but it was more complicated than that. I don't really have a word for the way I felt. Maybe I was just happy for her. I hope to have many moments like that.
Last night, she spent the night with a friend. They stayed up way too late and watched Hannah Montana reruns and painted their toenails on towels. Today, she asked me if I could help her get the blue polish off of her toes. The boys had an event to attend together, so we had a "girls night." We took a long walk around Smyrna and talked the whole time. We talked about her brother and how I was like him in some ways when I was growing up and how I was like her in some ways when I was growing up. Then we talked about Patrick Owen, who used to hit me in the head with his metal lunch box and how he really had a crush on me. We laughed at how silly boys are. She talked vaguely about boys that liked her but wouldn't get specific. Then, we had leftovers for dinner in front of the TV and we painted our toenails on towels and had the most fun!
Today was a special day. Her whole week has been pretty special - but even on hard days when we don't get along and the thought of what 14 will bring sends shivers down my spine, she always ends the day with the same words in her sweet little voice, "Mommy, I love you." It's simple, it's sincere, and it has to be one of my favorite things in this whole world. Like I always tell her, if I could pick any little girl in the whole world to me my little girl, I would pick her. Thank you God for blessing me with this precious daughter! May we always be as close - closer - than we are today.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Where I'm From
Thank you to Jen for sharing this idea. If you want to play along, you can find the template to write one here.
I am from my own imaginary world of friends and fairies that live in the woods. The place where dreams are real and anything is possible. I'm from Mrs. Butterworth's pancake syrup, Grape Nehi Soda, and cinnamon toast.
I am from the brown brick house that hides behind the mimosas, buckeyes, azaleas and trees. From the living room where I scribbled under the sofa cushions and hand-prints were made on the curb out front.
I am from the hollow tree, the sandy creek bank and the smell of the sweet gum blooming.
I am from Burton and Mayes, Gladys and Lola - hard working, stubborn, generous and kind.
I am from hilarious hat parties and holidays with the most delicious food. I am from beautiful women and charming gentlemen.
From "You can run as fast as a deer!" and "You'll be an author some day."
I am from The Baptist Church where Fagan Durham greeted me in his brightly colored sport coats each Sunday and told me how pretty I looked.
I'm from the city of Atlanta and the Blue Ridge Mountains, the foothills of Appalachia and from God fearing people who came here from Britain long ago. I'm from muscadine preserves, beans and cornbread, and homemade everything.
From the man who lived in Japan for two years in the snow, longing to come back to his home in the south, and the woman he married when he came back. I'm from every dream they ever shared together.
I am from the photographs hanging in my mother's hallway, furniture that we all pass along to one another, things that no one else but family can teach you and a home that will always be home, no matter where I go.
"Where I'm From"
I am from the brown brick house that hides behind the mimosas, buckeyes, azaleas and trees. From the living room where I scribbled under the sofa cushions and hand-prints were made on the curb out front.
I am from the hollow tree, the sandy creek bank and the smell of the sweet gum blooming.
I am from Burton and Mayes, Gladys and Lola - hard working, stubborn, generous and kind.
I am from hilarious hat parties and holidays with the most delicious food. I am from beautiful women and charming gentlemen.
From "You can run as fast as a deer!" and "You'll be an author some day."
I am from The Baptist Church where Fagan Durham greeted me in his brightly colored sport coats each Sunday and told me how pretty I looked.
I'm from the city of Atlanta and the Blue Ridge Mountains, the foothills of Appalachia and from God fearing people who came here from Britain long ago. I'm from muscadine preserves, beans and cornbread, and homemade everything.
From the man who lived in Japan for two years in the snow, longing to come back to his home in the south, and the woman he married when he came back. I'm from every dream they ever shared together.
I am from the photographs hanging in my mother's hallway, furniture that we all pass along to one another, things that no one else but family can teach you and a home that will always be home, no matter where I go.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
No More TBD
Our contract is signed! Our close date is decided! We are officially buying the house! Also, I got the job at Floor & Decor as their in-house copywriter. I'm still not entirely sure what that means or how much work I will get, but together with Baxter's raise, it should be enough to make ends meet! God is providing! This has been one of those "hairs on your head" kind of moments for me. We trust God to intervene when we are desperate. We cry out to Him when we are in danger or for the sake of a friend in need. But when changes are looming on the horizon, I don't fully trust Him to take care of the little details and He always does.
Nothing is certain, of course. Anything could happen to make this path more or less difficult but that could always be the case. We only have today. I think that it is especially difficult to think only of today when you are buying or selling a house because is requires planning and forethought. After going through what we went through last year, I also question our decisions a little more. So I am taking these last details as a sign that we are making the correct decision to buy this house and that I definitely need to homeschool again next year.
I am really excited about two things. First, I LOVE to decorate. The older I get, the more I wonder why I didn't choose it as a career. I spent the whole drive back from Athens decorating our new house in my head! Some we will do right away and some will have to wait due to cost, but I have a dream of how I eventually want the house to look and I'm so excited about seeing it through! Secondly, I am so tickled that we will be homeschooling again next year. I have really grown to love homeschooling and I am positive that it's the best thing for them right now. I am so glad that I can make this decision instead of having life make the decision for me.
We will be officially through with our school year next Thursday. Expect to see a lot of updating on PTO Blog now that I'm not giving it up. I want to share my curriculum decisions and expectations for next year. 2010 is really shaping up to be a year of forward progress for us! Praise God!
Nothing is certain, of course. Anything could happen to make this path more or less difficult but that could always be the case. We only have today. I think that it is especially difficult to think only of today when you are buying or selling a house because is requires planning and forethought. After going through what we went through last year, I also question our decisions a little more. So I am taking these last details as a sign that we are making the correct decision to buy this house and that I definitely need to homeschool again next year.
I am really excited about two things. First, I LOVE to decorate. The older I get, the more I wonder why I didn't choose it as a career. I spent the whole drive back from Athens decorating our new house in my head! Some we will do right away and some will have to wait due to cost, but I have a dream of how I eventually want the house to look and I'm so excited about seeing it through! Secondly, I am so tickled that we will be homeschooling again next year. I have really grown to love homeschooling and I am positive that it's the best thing for them right now. I am so glad that I can make this decision instead of having life make the decision for me.
We will be officially through with our school year next Thursday. Expect to see a lot of updating on PTO Blog now that I'm not giving it up. I want to share my curriculum decisions and expectations for next year. 2010 is really shaping up to be a year of forward progress for us! Praise God!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
End of April
Here is a long-overdue update on our house situation. We will have a contract signed by the end of April. Whoo-hoo! What this basically means is that if everything goes through, we will be getting that tax credit we wanted. That could help us buy a new car, so let's hope we can secure financing. Right now, I'm just waiting on Baxter's review to help me make my decision about working. Several things have happened that are coloring my decision.
I found myself networking last week with a woman in the "rich" side of my neighborhood who I didn't know as well as most others. I discovered she is in marketing and her husband is in advertising. She offered to help me get back into the workplace and wants me to send her my resume. On the surface, this sounds like it could be an amazing opportunity. However, some part of me sees everything going on in my life right now as a huge test. This woman, although very funny to be around, is not at all like I would like to see myself in 5 years. She works all the time, her son has a nanny, and she is very career/money driven and not godly at all.
Then, I found myself in a conversation with a very successful attorney/mother who goes to my church. She is a very godly woman and understands the struggle I'm facing completely. I know that going back to work isn't breaking a commandment or anything, but I do see who I surround myself with as a reflection of the direction I'm going. I need to tread lightly here.
I also have heard of women who work 3 days a week, or even full time and still manage to homeschool. I'm so torn. I finally told Baxter that he needs to have this review SOON and he needs to look at me and say, "ok, this is how much I make ____, this is how much we spend _____, this is what I need you to contribute ______. Only then can I take what I have been weighing and make a real decision.
If you're praying for me, please pray that first and foremost, God sends me clear direction in these decisions. Pray that I can trust God fully with where He leads me. Pray that I have the strength (both mentally and physically) to keep up with this busy life I have. Finally, pray that my marriage will benefit from these changes. I could see that it might be difficult on our energy and patience with each other if I'm stretched too thin.
I found myself networking last week with a woman in the "rich" side of my neighborhood who I didn't know as well as most others. I discovered she is in marketing and her husband is in advertising. She offered to help me get back into the workplace and wants me to send her my resume. On the surface, this sounds like it could be an amazing opportunity. However, some part of me sees everything going on in my life right now as a huge test. This woman, although very funny to be around, is not at all like I would like to see myself in 5 years. She works all the time, her son has a nanny, and she is very career/money driven and not godly at all.
Then, I found myself in a conversation with a very successful attorney/mother who goes to my church. She is a very godly woman and understands the struggle I'm facing completely. I know that going back to work isn't breaking a commandment or anything, but I do see who I surround myself with as a reflection of the direction I'm going. I need to tread lightly here.
I also have heard of women who work 3 days a week, or even full time and still manage to homeschool. I'm so torn. I finally told Baxter that he needs to have this review SOON and he needs to look at me and say, "ok, this is how much I make ____, this is how much we spend _____, this is what I need you to contribute ______. Only then can I take what I have been weighing and make a real decision.
If you're praying for me, please pray that first and foremost, God sends me clear direction in these decisions. Pray that I can trust God fully with where He leads me. Pray that I have the strength (both mentally and physically) to keep up with this busy life I have. Finally, pray that my marriage will benefit from these changes. I could see that it might be difficult on our energy and patience with each other if I'm stretched too thin.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Things I found at the $1 Store
I am beginning to love The Dollar Tree store. You really can get great stuff there for $1 sometimes. Here are the few things I purchased today and the total saved...
Electric toothbrushes for the kids - Wal Mart price $4+, Dollar Tree $1
Throw-away type of baking pans - Wal Mart price $3 each, Dollar Tree 2/$1
Kids sunglasses (to be lost in 1 week) - Wal Mart price $3.50, Dollar Tree $1
Flip flops for Abby - Wal Mart price $5, Dollar Tree $1
My total savings = $15.50!!!
Electric toothbrushes for the kids - Wal Mart price $4+, Dollar Tree $1
Throw-away type of baking pans - Wal Mart price $3 each, Dollar Tree 2/$1
Kids sunglasses (to be lost in 1 week) - Wal Mart price $3.50, Dollar Tree $1
Flip flops for Abby - Wal Mart price $5, Dollar Tree $1
My total savings = $15.50!!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
God Isn't Finished With Me Yet
The Lord is still at work here. The past week has been awesome. I finished my resume and applied to two positions that I am actually qualified for. I also attended a mom's night out with my homeschool group friends. I really enjoyed my time with these ladies and I left feeling that I would truly miss them next year. As excited as I have been to jump back into work full-time, it got me thinking. One thing I have realized during this job search, is that many of the jobs I'm looking at are telecommuting ones. That is fabulous. I telecommute now and I'm good at it. I stay motivated, keep on task, and finish my work on time. AMTC's clients are very happy with my work. I know that I could handle something larger in the same vein. Perhaps I could take on more work while continuing to homeschool? With homeschool academies and other options all around me, it is definitely a possibility.
Also, Baxter is having his yearly review this week. It was going to take place at the end of May, so I'm taking this as a sign of divine providence that they are having it now. We know he is going on salary and we know he is getting a raise. What we don't know is how much of one. How wonderful would it be if he comes home with a salary large enough to maintain our standard of living while taking on this mortgage? I know God will provide. I know He will set me in the direction He wants me to go. Nothing is set in stone yet. I know that I would love to continue to homeschool if I can. I have an entire curriculum picked out if I get to use it. I also have other options open to me, including public school. I have a trusting heart. It's an exciting time to be at the precipice of something.
My prayer today is for strength for my husband, that he may know the words to use and the actions to take and that he may glorify God in all his success. My prayer is for my children to continue to take the highest priority in my personal life because raising children is the most important job in the world. I also pray that God will sustain us through all the changes that may come and that we will not turn away from the path He has set for us.
Also, Baxter is having his yearly review this week. It was going to take place at the end of May, so I'm taking this as a sign of divine providence that they are having it now. We know he is going on salary and we know he is getting a raise. What we don't know is how much of one. How wonderful would it be if he comes home with a salary large enough to maintain our standard of living while taking on this mortgage? I know God will provide. I know He will set me in the direction He wants me to go. Nothing is set in stone yet. I know that I would love to continue to homeschool if I can. I have an entire curriculum picked out if I get to use it. I also have other options open to me, including public school. I have a trusting heart. It's an exciting time to be at the precipice of something.
My prayer today is for strength for my husband, that he may know the words to use and the actions to take and that he may glorify God in all his success. My prayer is for my children to continue to take the highest priority in my personal life because raising children is the most important job in the world. I also pray that God will sustain us through all the changes that may come and that we will not turn away from the path He has set for us.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
La Femme
I am taking a wonderful Sunday School class right now. It's been a long time since I was in Sunday School and I am really enjoying it. When I was a child, my dad used to drop me off at the covered door on the side of the church each Sunday for Sunday School and it was often the highlight of my week. Suddenly, I feel that way again for the first time. The class is about biblical womanhood. What an interesting subject. The lady that invited me to the class kept apologizing after the first week, saying how I was probably expecting a more interactive experience and instead got lectured at. What she doesn't know is that I enjoy lectures so I loved it. It focused on church doctrine and I couldn't have been more pleased. What better way to get to know a church quickly than to learn their full doctrine on your second week visiting! Like I told Katherine, I could have spent weeks visiting, wondering if something was going to come up that would make me want to stand up and run out of there. Now I have a good picture of what they're all about and I have no argument with their outlook -- so far, so good.
The second week was so interesting. It focused on the impact of the feminist movement on the evangelical woman - and on the church. It's such a huge topic that she really only had time to explain the timeline of the feminist movement and highlight its' impact. Still, I found myself gaining a lot of insight into my role in the family and where I can find the answers I'm seeking right now. I would love to find one of the books Sharon is using to teach this class. I plan on delving into this subject at length.
My thoughts are turning here this morning as I prepare to apply for a job. Yesterday I composed my resume and searched for copywriting jobs. I found two great ones that I'm qualified for. I was a little taken aback by that. Now, it seems that it's really going to happen. I'm really going to go back to work. I'm finding myself excited at this prospect. I was made with a purpose. I was made to spread the gospel where I can, when I can. I was made to be a help-mate for my husband and a teacher and nurturer to my children. That doesn't mean that I must stay home and continue on this path at the demise of my family. As much as I would love for us to be able to get by on Baxter's income alone, the reality is that it is impossible. We have been tracking our spending for several months now and I am really aware of what comes in, what goes out, and what our future financial needs are. Secondly, the house that we can buy is a real opportunity that I can't ignore. If this house had one more bedroom we could make it work a bit longer. However, having a son and daughter has its' challenges. One of them is a need for separate bedrooms as they get older. With Abby now 7 and Ford 5, that need is more and more palpable each day. So, why pass up an opportunity just because I thought we fit one social paradigm? I must be ready for the changes when they come.
So, what is Eve's role? What does helper really mean? This question makes me think of those times when my kids are really trying my patience and getting "in my way," only to explain to me that they're "helping" me. Help is only helpful when you're doing what is needed. Baxter doesn't need me to stay home right now. He needs me to help him financially. Back 150 years ago, before the Industrial Revolution, women and men helped equally in their homes and on their farms for subsistence. Only with Industrialization did men leave their homes and work outside for money, leaving women and children home to perform necessary chores and later leading women to feel less valued in their role of homemaker. I have never felt that way. In fact, I think if I were paid for what I do now, I'd make well over six-figures. I see going back to work as a necessary component of where Baxter and I would like to be financially. That said, I don't resent this change. I see it as part of God's greater plan.
I know that this will bring with it a new set of challenges. I pray that God helps me to prioritize my life in a way that would please Him. I pray for the safety and well being of my children and that I heavily consider all schooling options before I make a final decision. I pray for God to give me vision and clarity in this process. I pray that I may find the job that He has out there for me, one that will allow me to continue to head up my household and enjoy the aspects of domestic life that I love.
The second week was so interesting. It focused on the impact of the feminist movement on the evangelical woman - and on the church. It's such a huge topic that she really only had time to explain the timeline of the feminist movement and highlight its' impact. Still, I found myself gaining a lot of insight into my role in the family and where I can find the answers I'm seeking right now. I would love to find one of the books Sharon is using to teach this class. I plan on delving into this subject at length.
My thoughts are turning here this morning as I prepare to apply for a job. Yesterday I composed my resume and searched for copywriting jobs. I found two great ones that I'm qualified for. I was a little taken aback by that. Now, it seems that it's really going to happen. I'm really going to go back to work. I'm finding myself excited at this prospect. I was made with a purpose. I was made to spread the gospel where I can, when I can. I was made to be a help-mate for my husband and a teacher and nurturer to my children. That doesn't mean that I must stay home and continue on this path at the demise of my family. As much as I would love for us to be able to get by on Baxter's income alone, the reality is that it is impossible. We have been tracking our spending for several months now and I am really aware of what comes in, what goes out, and what our future financial needs are. Secondly, the house that we can buy is a real opportunity that I can't ignore. If this house had one more bedroom we could make it work a bit longer. However, having a son and daughter has its' challenges. One of them is a need for separate bedrooms as they get older. With Abby now 7 and Ford 5, that need is more and more palpable each day. So, why pass up an opportunity just because I thought we fit one social paradigm? I must be ready for the changes when they come.
So, what is Eve's role? What does helper really mean? This question makes me think of those times when my kids are really trying my patience and getting "in my way," only to explain to me that they're "helping" me. Help is only helpful when you're doing what is needed. Baxter doesn't need me to stay home right now. He needs me to help him financially. Back 150 years ago, before the Industrial Revolution, women and men helped equally in their homes and on their farms for subsistence. Only with Industrialization did men leave their homes and work outside for money, leaving women and children home to perform necessary chores and later leading women to feel less valued in their role of homemaker. I have never felt that way. In fact, I think if I were paid for what I do now, I'd make well over six-figures. I see going back to work as a necessary component of where Baxter and I would like to be financially. That said, I don't resent this change. I see it as part of God's greater plan.
I know that this will bring with it a new set of challenges. I pray that God helps me to prioritize my life in a way that would please Him. I pray for the safety and well being of my children and that I heavily consider all schooling options before I make a final decision. I pray for God to give me vision and clarity in this process. I pray that I may find the job that He has out there for me, one that will allow me to continue to head up my household and enjoy the aspects of domestic life that I love.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Batting Practice
Just when my "batting average" was getting pretty good, life throws me a curve ball. Since we moved into Grandma's house a year ago, we have been through many struggles. First, we were basically out of money. Second, Baxter needed to find a job. Third, the house needed a lot of work just to make it livable. We scraped through the tough financial trials. Baxter got a job and he has been very successfully working his way up in the company ever since. We also made the house cute and comfortable for our little family. We have decided that we like living in a cottage setting. For one thing, the neighborhood is unbelievable. We love love love our neighbors and the feel of the area we're in. We have even made it through sharing a bathroom. A week ago, I was deeply engrossed in selecting curricula for my kids. I had actually nailed down my choices pretty solidly. Then, just like that, everything changed.
We have the opportunity to purchase a much larger home in my mom's neighborhood for well below market value. It's very affordable and it's a house I'm familiar with - because it's my brother's old house. In fact, before that it was Jill Collins' house, an old childhood friend of mine and I used to play a lot of basketball in that driveway.
Here's the thing, we are really growing out of this house. My kids are 5 and 7. They share a tiny room. My closets are overflowing. I don't have an attic, basement, or any real storage. Half of our furniture and all of our Christmas decorations are in my mother's basement. Bottom line: as much as I would like to have a simple life here in a house that was built for a family this size 100 years ago, times have been a changing. A family today just needs more space than this. We were anticipating this in the future. We have said, maybe in a few years, we'll be ready to add-on or rebuild. One year flew by with lightening speed and the others are sure to be as quick.
We have prayed daily for God to lead us in His path. We have asked Him to help us, to bring a solution that would be the best thing for my kids and for our future. Like a wise woman told me, you have to be ready for God to answer your prayers. I immediately said yes. I didn't start packing up, but I immediately said we were interested if we could make it work. It's a great opportunity for us but the reality is that it will also come with other, maybe bigger, life changes.
So, a week to the day after I was laying out our school year for 2010-2011, I am now reading about everything necessary to enroll my kids in school next year, and looking for a job. As far as school goes, my kids are well prepared and as long as they don't face anyone like Ms. Trunchbull, they'll do splendidly. My main motivation for homeschooling has always been that I could give them something better than they would receive in our public school option. I have also tried to give them a good foundation of reading and math. Because of that, I think school will be an easy enough transition. God can call you in to something and God can call you out.
Work scares me a bit, though. The job market is flooded with applicants and I haven't worked full-time since Abby was born. What if I can't find a job? Or, what if I can't find a job I like? I have three years under my belt as a paid writer of advertising copy. That's not too shabby. I'm also only 33 - young enough still to land a "youthful" job. Maybe the timing is just perfect. Isaiah 55 has been on my heart...
Isaiah 55:3
The Lord said, "Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you - The sure mercies of David."
vs. 6: Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near.
vs. 8-12 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
We have the opportunity to purchase a much larger home in my mom's neighborhood for well below market value. It's very affordable and it's a house I'm familiar with - because it's my brother's old house. In fact, before that it was Jill Collins' house, an old childhood friend of mine and I used to play a lot of basketball in that driveway.
Here's the thing, we are really growing out of this house. My kids are 5 and 7. They share a tiny room. My closets are overflowing. I don't have an attic, basement, or any real storage. Half of our furniture and all of our Christmas decorations are in my mother's basement. Bottom line: as much as I would like to have a simple life here in a house that was built for a family this size 100 years ago, times have been a changing. A family today just needs more space than this. We were anticipating this in the future. We have said, maybe in a few years, we'll be ready to add-on or rebuild. One year flew by with lightening speed and the others are sure to be as quick.
We have prayed daily for God to lead us in His path. We have asked Him to help us, to bring a solution that would be the best thing for my kids and for our future. Like a wise woman told me, you have to be ready for God to answer your prayers. I immediately said yes. I didn't start packing up, but I immediately said we were interested if we could make it work. It's a great opportunity for us but the reality is that it will also come with other, maybe bigger, life changes.
So, a week to the day after I was laying out our school year for 2010-2011, I am now reading about everything necessary to enroll my kids in school next year, and looking for a job. As far as school goes, my kids are well prepared and as long as they don't face anyone like Ms. Trunchbull, they'll do splendidly. My main motivation for homeschooling has always been that I could give them something better than they would receive in our public school option. I have also tried to give them a good foundation of reading and math. Because of that, I think school will be an easy enough transition. God can call you in to something and God can call you out.
Work scares me a bit, though. The job market is flooded with applicants and I haven't worked full-time since Abby was born. What if I can't find a job? Or, what if I can't find a job I like? I have three years under my belt as a paid writer of advertising copy. That's not too shabby. I'm also only 33 - young enough still to land a "youthful" job. Maybe the timing is just perfect. Isaiah 55 has been on my heart...
Isaiah 55:3
The Lord said, "Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you - The sure mercies of David."
vs. 6: Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near.
vs. 8-12 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)