Unsettled

A week after our move, we are still far from being settled in. I have managed to get the major living areas livable, but there is much left to be done. I have resorted to list making, which is pretty futile when you can only afford to do half of what is on your list in the first place.

I have big plans for the basement that will take thousands of dollars to complete. I have big plans for the outside of the house: adding a front porch, taking down some trees, and putting in a zip line for the kids. That's going to take some big bucks. I also have two bathrooms that need complete remodels. If something is going to take more than a year complete, why bother writing this stuff down? Here is a sample list:

-organize clothes
-finish painting bathrooms
-mud walls in basement

Really? Gonna get to that one this weekend?

Baxter worked Tuesday through Friday, so most of the unpacking and arranging fell on me. Frankly, I prefer it that way because I like to have complete autonomy when it comes to deciding where our stuff lives. By the time Saturday arrived, his honey-do list had grown quite long and the weekend ended in frustration - several things started but none completed.

Despite my relaxed albeit, flippant tone, I am quite anxious. I have to find a way to help Baxter pay for this new home of ours and I have very little time at the end of the day to focus on a real job search. I'm having a recurring dream in which I'm back in high school or college and it's the end of the semester and I am going to fail a class because I never attended. In some cases, I can't find the classroom and intend on dropping the class but forget until it's too late. Other times, I realize that I have work to catch up on and attempt to make it right but my attempts are futile. At first, I thought this was a dream related to moving, or a dream related to me being somewhat behind with my copywriting work. Today, however, I realize that it probably has more to do with me going back to work full-time and missed opportunities. I really need to put decorating on hold and focus on a job search. I would hate to miss the perfect opportunity because I was obsessively organizing Abby's Littlest Pet Shop collection. Additionally, I will be able to afford all of these home updates with a better job.

I also struggle with letting go. I know that things happen in their own time and I know I am where I should be. I feel at peace with that. God has ultimate authority over my life and there is a plan being played out, even if it feels like we're running in circles sometimes. I wanted to start work in August, when the kids start school. I didn't want to cancel our trip at the end of July and I wanted to spend the summer loving my kids as much as I can and preparing them for school. Well, August is almost here. I feel that quickening feeling, like being on the precipice of something new. Time to pray for patience, peace, and fearlessness.