November Rain

Yucky Monday, huh? I don't really have time to post but I want to anyway. As many of you know, I'm pretty busy these days. In fact, I'm so busy that there are days when I do not stop from about 6:30 am until 10 pm. That makes me sound overwhelmed, crazy, and unhappy. But the truth is, I'm more happy and fulfilled than I have felt in a long time. I love burning the candle at both ends, and until I "adjust" into this hectic schedule and figure out how to manage my time a little better, I'm content to be spent.

Sure, there are days when I wish Baxter knew how to operate the washer or pick up his shoes and there are times when my kids make me want to pull out my hair; but overall, I feel unwasted and that is uplifting enough for the time being.

I have officially become a career girl with her own business. My copywriting business is bring me in about triple what I made a year ago and it's helping tremendously. I also have big plans to triple my income again within the next year. Where did all these professional goals come from?? My kids are proud of me and I am too. Boy is it funny how quickly life can change.

So, I just dashed off some work and now I'm about to take my mom to the grocery store in the rain. She kills me sometimes. When I get back, I will start a reorganizing project for my pre-Thanksgiving preparations. Tomorrow I will work from 8-12, volunteer at the school from 12:30 -2, clean house until piano practice at 3:30, help with homework until 5:30, make dinner, clean up from dinner, read to the kids, tuck them in, work some more, go to sleep, and get up the next day to start all over again. Exhausting? Yes. Worth it? You bet.

Unsettled

A week after our move, we are still far from being settled in. I have managed to get the major living areas livable, but there is much left to be done. I have resorted to list making, which is pretty futile when you can only afford to do half of what is on your list in the first place.

I have big plans for the basement that will take thousands of dollars to complete. I have big plans for the outside of the house: adding a front porch, taking down some trees, and putting in a zip line for the kids. That's going to take some big bucks. I also have two bathrooms that need complete remodels. If something is going to take more than a year complete, why bother writing this stuff down? Here is a sample list:

-organize clothes
-finish painting bathrooms
-mud walls in basement

Really? Gonna get to that one this weekend?

Baxter worked Tuesday through Friday, so most of the unpacking and arranging fell on me. Frankly, I prefer it that way because I like to have complete autonomy when it comes to deciding where our stuff lives. By the time Saturday arrived, his honey-do list had grown quite long and the weekend ended in frustration - several things started but none completed.

Despite my relaxed albeit, flippant tone, I am quite anxious. I have to find a way to help Baxter pay for this new home of ours and I have very little time at the end of the day to focus on a real job search. I'm having a recurring dream in which I'm back in high school or college and it's the end of the semester and I am going to fail a class because I never attended. In some cases, I can't find the classroom and intend on dropping the class but forget until it's too late. Other times, I realize that I have work to catch up on and attempt to make it right but my attempts are futile. At first, I thought this was a dream related to moving, or a dream related to me being somewhat behind with my copywriting work. Today, however, I realize that it probably has more to do with me going back to work full-time and missed opportunities. I really need to put decorating on hold and focus on a job search. I would hate to miss the perfect opportunity because I was obsessively organizing Abby's Littlest Pet Shop collection. Additionally, I will be able to afford all of these home updates with a better job.

I also struggle with letting go. I know that things happen in their own time and I know I am where I should be. I feel at peace with that. God has ultimate authority over my life and there is a plan being played out, even if it feels like we're running in circles sometimes. I wanted to start work in August, when the kids start school. I didn't want to cancel our trip at the end of July and I wanted to spend the summer loving my kids as much as I can and preparing them for school. Well, August is almost here. I feel that quickening feeling, like being on the precipice of something new. Time to pray for patience, peace, and fearlessness.

Change Is A Comin'

So, change is happening around here. I'm going to start painting and cleaning up the new house next week and we should start moving stuff in that weekend. I hope that once we actually get settled in, I can think of things less shallow than paint colors and to-do lists. That's partly why I'm blogging right now instead of writing for Skip. I need to process the fullness of all that's going on around me.

Have any of you noticed the recession going on? How about the inflation too? It's bad out there, people. What better time for me to decide to go back to work? Yes, I have decided to go back to work. What does this mean? I already work now. I freelance and do okay with that - but I need more money. I guess I'm really not going back to work so much as I've agreed to be someone else's slave again. Sounds fun. I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm okay with not homeschooling anymore, really. All those feelings of abandoning my children - I've let them go - and I think my kids are going to be on a serious adventure in public school this year.

I'm not really scared of being out there in the workplace. I guess it's more a feeling of uncertainty about the caliber of job I can find right now and my own ability to do everything required by my family in addition to working full time. I'll go ahead and tell you, Baxter is not going to be doing laundry. I've known him since 1999 and he has never done laundry once so I'm sure that he won't be starting now. Dishes? Maybe. Other household chores? Possibly. Consistently? Definitely not. Now I'm not on here to talk bad about my hubby - he contributes so much to our family in other ways. I'm just not sure I can do it all myself. So, does that mean I need a housekeeper? Can I justify that? Should I just do it all and continue cutting corners so that we can leapfrog ourselves into financial security? Of course I should. Will I? I don't envision myself having the energy to work 9-5, drive to pick up the kids, go home, tend to the animals, take in the mail, start dinner, escort kids to practice of some kind, eat dinner, clean up, put kids in bed, do laundry, chores, etc... and collapse. I need some downtime too. There's a lot I don't know about working full time and managing a family, like, I don't know if I can actually do it.

Besides that, I'm excited about the possibility of going back full time. I have so much to offer the right company if I can find it. I have about 6 weeks to get my ducks in a row before I really heat up my job search. There's no sense in starting something until the kids are in school. I will cherish this time. Time to get moved, settled, decorated, and have some semblance of routine before I embark on this new journey. I guess my main concern in today's world is to find a job period. Let's hope I can!

End of April

Here is a long-overdue update on our house situation. We will have a contract signed by the end of April. Whoo-hoo! What this basically means is that if everything goes through, we will be getting that tax credit we wanted. That could help us buy a new car, so let's hope we can secure financing. Right now, I'm just waiting on Baxter's review to help me make my decision about working. Several things have happened that are coloring my decision.

I found myself networking last week with a woman in the "rich" side of my neighborhood who I didn't know as well as most others. I discovered she is in marketing and her husband is in advertising. She offered to help me get back into the workplace and wants me to send her my resume. On the surface, this sounds like it could be an amazing opportunity. However, some part of me sees everything going on in my life right now as a huge test. This woman, although very funny to be around, is not at all like I would like to see myself in 5 years. She works all the time, her son has a nanny, and she is very career/money driven and not godly at all.

Then, I found myself in a conversation with a very successful attorney/mother who goes to my church. She is a very godly woman and understands the struggle I'm facing completely. I know that going back to work isn't breaking a commandment or anything, but I do see who I surround myself with as a reflection of the direction I'm going. I need to tread lightly here.

I also have heard of women who work 3 days a week, or even full time and still manage to homeschool. I'm so torn. I finally told Baxter that he needs to have this review SOON and he needs to look at me and say, "ok, this is how much I make ____, this is how much we spend _____, this is what I need you to contribute ______. Only then can I take what I have been weighing and make a real decision.

If you're praying for me, please pray that first and foremost, God sends me clear direction in these decisions. Pray that I can trust God fully with where He leads me. Pray that I have the strength (both mentally and physically) to keep up with this busy life I have. Finally, pray that my marriage will benefit from these changes. I could see that it might be difficult on our energy and patience with each other if I'm stretched too thin.

God Isn't Finished With Me Yet

The Lord is still at work here. The past week has been awesome. I finished my resume and applied to two positions that I am actually qualified for. I also attended a mom's night out with my homeschool group friends. I really enjoyed my time with these ladies and I left feeling that I would truly miss them next year. As excited as I have been to jump back into work full-time, it got me thinking. One thing I have realized during this job search, is that many of the jobs I'm looking at are telecommuting ones. That is fabulous. I telecommute now and I'm good at it. I stay motivated, keep on task, and finish my work on time. AMTC's clients are very happy with my work. I know that I could handle something larger in the same vein. Perhaps I could take on more work while continuing to homeschool? With homeschool academies and other options all around me, it is definitely a possibility.

Also, Baxter is having his yearly review this week. It was going to take place at the end of May, so I'm taking this as a sign of divine providence that they are having it now. We know he is going on salary and we know he is getting a raise. What we don't know is how much of one. How wonderful would it be if he comes home with a salary large enough to maintain our standard of living while taking on this mortgage? I know God will provide. I know He will set me in the direction He wants me to go. Nothing is set in stone yet. I know that I would love to continue to homeschool if I can. I have an entire curriculum picked out if I get to use it. I also have other options open to me, including public school. I have a trusting heart. It's an exciting time to be at the precipice of something.

My prayer today is for strength for my husband, that he may know the words to use and the actions to take and that he may glorify God in all his success. My prayer is for my children to continue to take the highest priority in my personal life because raising children is the most important job in the world. I also pray that God will sustain us through all the changes that may come and that we will not turn away from the path He has set for us.

When God Touches Your Shoulder

A few of my friends received an email from me earlier this week. It was a long, complaining one, about all of the silly things that are annoying me right now. It was titled "woes" and it was just basically me venting frustration towards friendly ears. Sometimes we all need to do that, and my responses back were encouraging and even hilarious.

In part of my email, I complained about how many times per week we are supposed to drive to Mableton for soccer practice. Yes, 4-5 times per week is a lot of time, gas, and commitment to my kids. It's a lot of time from our schedule. However, last night I was approached by a mother arriving just a few minutes before our practice was ending. She wanted to know what team we were and I told her. She asked if this was the only U8 field. I explained the layout to her and pointed out the fields where the U8's practice. I also told her that we were almost finished but that more teams would be showing up for the 7-8 time-slot. I told her, her best bet was just to ask around as I had on Tuesday. She didn't know the team name or which field they were practicing on, only the first name of the coach, Rob. Most mothers would have probably paid more attention to the emails - or maybe gone to the parents meeting - but this mother has other things on her mind. Her beautiful little girl had no hair on her head. She obviously has been battling cancer, and there she was, wanting so badly to play soccer like all of the other little girls. I felt so ashamed for complaining about parking and late nights. It touched me so deeply that I had to pray to God for forgiveness. How blessed my life is! Don't take your beautiful and healthy children for granted!!!

Breathe

You may or may not know that I am a huge yoga fan. I started doing yoga over 10 years ago while a student at UGA to try and combat the almost constant back pain I was having. I had been to a chiropractor a few times and things just weren't getting any better. I was waiting tables and cocktail-waitressing at Harry Bissett's at the time. It was a very busy place and often I would sell over $1,000 myself in an evening. Bissett's is in downtown Athens in this great old building right on Broad Street across from the arch. A lot of these types of places are very narrow and Bissett's is no exception. You walk into the bar area and travel back into the first dining room and, if you continue on, you walk up stairs to the balcony tables, a second dining room and, of course, the kitchen. While having an upstairs kitchen must conserve a few dollars heat-wise, it really took its' toll on my spine. You see, it's a pretty swank sort-of place - complete with tray service and the like. So, on a busy game-day, you run a half dozen orders upstairs, come back down and fill more drink orders before venturing up to get a huge tray of food for everyone in the bar. I did this maneuver constantly while I worked there. Believe me, there is no easy way to carry a huge tray of food down a flight of stairs in front of 50 people (some of which you could really upset if you dropped the darned thing!). Twisting my spine under pressure is apparently the worst thing for my back and so off to the chiropractor I went. After a few sessions, this wonderful man actually gave me some advice which would prevent me from ever having to see him again. He suggested that I try yoga classes. It was back in the old days, before classes were offered at the gym and WAY before yoga studios even existed in Georgia. Classes were held after hours in a small herb shop (no that is not a euphemism) in a small strip mall. The teacher was very earthy and bendy as all yoga instructors seem to be. Her outfit was way-cooler than mine and we all drank some free mint tea afterwards that was very soothing and delicious. It was fun exercise and it absolutely cured my back problems. I have never been back to the chiropractor since.

Now it is years later and I am feeling that same old pain. It's right in the middle/lower part of my back (the part you bend to pick up your kids). I realized that my yoga routine has fallen off lately and I'm beginning to feel it. Despite the fact that I'm doing yoga with my kids, I'm forgetting to take care of Mommy's muscles too. Well, tomorrow I am going to re-commit myself to the practice. I need to do more than TiVo Namaste Yoga to get the full benefit. So, if you're up at 6:30AM and wondering what I'm doing at the time, imagine me looking something like a pretzel and you might start your day with a good laugh.

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Yes, I have just returned from the beach. Yes, I have great pictures of the kids and great stories to share from our trip. Yes, I wish I were back there right now. But today I am not going to write about vacation. I am much too busy to even think about how relaxing it was down on St. Simon's Island. I am so anxious about other things that I cannot possibly focus my attention on wading for hours searching for sand dollars or coming home with what might possibly be called a "tan" for the first time in years. You see, I have taken on something new - an ebay store. Before we left, I posted my first set of items and today I am due to post more before my first auctions end. I felt nervous like this the first time - but then once they were up, I relaxed. I figured it was opening the store nervousness, but apparently, it's going to ball me up and play with my dream/sleep cycle every time it's time to list. So, even though I'm busy and even though the mother in me wants to talk about the first sandcastle I built with Ford, I am finding this post perfectly cathartic.



Here's how the store came about. A couple of months ago, Baxter's grandmother passed away. She lived here in Athens and I knew her myself for almost 10 years. She was absolutely wonderful. Her name was Charlsie Guimarin Jackson Fulwiler and she had this air about her (even in her 90s) of beauty and sophistication. She was born in a tiny Texas town that never was big enough for her. She lived and traveled all over the place in her life. She worked for Neiman Marcus as a window dresser and something of a "design display consultant". She was quite a talented artist in her own right and we have several pieces in our home that she did that I will always cherish. She was married three times (twice to the same man) and best of all, she knew how to share all of her experiences with people. She could tell a story that would captivate a lonely bachelor from south Georgia or endear her to the rich and powerful jet setters she so often found herself in the company of. All along the way, Charlsie collected things - antiques, jewelry, photographs, memories - and a TON of clothes! So, I am now the proprietor of "Miss Charlsie's Closet", an ebay store, playing host to her memories of fashionable days gone by. Some of this stuff is amazing but I've been a little scared to touch the amazing stuff yet. Part of me knows that somewhere she's proud of me - it is exactly the type of thing she would have done, create something beautiful, exciting and maybe even lucrative out of a tragic loss - and part of me is worried that I'm going to disappoint.



So, there you have it. Now I have to take a little bit of Charlsie's vivaciousness and lust for life and apply it here. Right here through my keyboard. Wish me luck . . . and visit my store!



http://stores.ebay.com/Miss-Charlsies-Closet

The "Why"

Well, I finally did it - I started a blog. After all of my hemming and hawing, I decided to take the plunge. I'm not sure who will read this but writing is never a waste of time so that's okay. Although I have lots of ideas for future blogs - ones which will require research, preparation and a lot of forethought, I guess the only thing I have in mind for my first post is to explain myself (a little).

Why this picture? This is Myrna Loy. She's an old movie actress from way back in the day. I have been told by different people that I look like her and since I can't find one decent picture of myself on this computer I decided to use hers. If I were photogenic, this might be what I look like.

Why the title "Endless Joy"? Besides the obvious - me, Joy, endlessly rambling on and on about every conceivable topic under the sun - it also goes a little deeper. Living up to my name can be quite a chore at times. ALWAYS having joy is, well, tough. Still, it's something I really strive for in my life and something I hope to focus on while writing this blog. I want to find joy in all situations, to be surprised at where it exists and to point it out at everyone else along the way.