Just In Time!

I have just purchased a new book to help me teach Abby about the upcoming Presidential Election. See How They Run looks to be a great guide for children of all ages. In fact, I found myself learning a few things while reading it last night! Between the conventions, political ads and over-the-phone polls, we adults can get a little tired of the whole shebang. However, it is more important than ever to educate our children on the process of electing our leaders. They are, after all, the leaders of tomorrow. Some of the topics are going to be a little over her head. Still, as long as some of the language and concepts are absorbed, I'm hoping to stimulate her interest and maybe lead to a political discussion or two. I want to thank Anna and Mindy for the fiery discussion the other night - proving my belief that we're all in this together, no matter who we're voting for. So, don't forget your little ones this election season. Have a few votes in your own home, visit a monument together or even take them into the voting booth with you in November - but get them interested now and they always will be!

Indulge Me, Will You?

Okay, while the coals are still burning, I need to tell you more about the book I just read, Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age, by Dan Kindlon, PhD. I have already told you how interesting this book is in my previous post. I have never not been able to put a parenting book down before, so I highly recommend it for both it's insightfulness as well as its compelling text.



Here's what I gained most from reading it:

• We indulge our children when we give in to them. Sometimes we do this because we are lazy or tired and we just can't be strong enough to say no. Other times, we are misguided in our thinking and we believe that they will no longer love us if we do not give them what they want. Still other times, we indulge them because our good "inner parent" longs to make them happy.

• When we continuously indulge them, they grow up without boundaries and with an increasing sense of the need for immediate gratification.

• These traits are strongly tied to larger problems later in life such as eating disorders, sexual promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse, and a skewed sense of what is most important in life.

• Children need depth. They need hard lessons sometimes. They need us to be their parents and not their buddies. They need consistency. They need rules. The book calls it TLC - Time, Limits and Caring

• Fully one-half of 13 and 14 year olds in his study among upper-middle-class and affluent youth were abusing drugs and alcohol, almost as many were having sex.

The 5 factors that influenced those in the study who were the "good kids" were:

1. Their families frequently ate dinner together and attended religious services


2. Their parents were not divorced or separated


3. They had to keep their rooms clean


4. They didn't have a phone in their room (I would add computer to the list for 2008)


5. They did community service

The principles in the book seem simple, but I believe that our societies' indulgent attitudes pervade all aspects of our parenting behaviors. We let our children rule us in ways that are impossible to see unless you shine a bright light on yourself once in a while. We doubt ourselves, our choices for them and our ability to "know what's best" is eaten away by our own childhood experiences. We want them to always be bright and shiny and happy but some of the ways in which we fuel their happiness may lead to anxiety and depression in their adolescent and adult lives.



My message for today is that if you truly do know what is best for your child, stick by your guns and don't let anyone take that away from you, least of all your child who only really knows what we teach them.

2 Much Is 2 Much

Usually I wait until I have finished a book before I recommend it to my friends - but I knew from the moment that Baxter put it in my hands that this one was different. Yesterday, we were very late for the new Sunday School class we were going to visit. I don't know about you, but I can't stand being late - especially the first time you attend something. I already knew that our joining this class would require quite a few hand shakes and introductions and that would take a little time. I also know how annoying it is when people crash in right in the middle of something and interrupt your mojo. Anyway, we ended up going to the church library to kill a little time before the church service started. We have used the library before; but mostly for kids books and devotional stuff. That's what I was actually going to look for - a devotional book for me to share with Abby and maybe something for myself to read in the mornings before the kids get up. As I crouched by the children's section, Baxter came over and plopped something in front of my face that I have never seen or heard of. Aptly titled, Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age, by Dan Kindlon, PhD - this book immediately struck me. It is a theme that continuously comes up in mommy circles and parenting columns - can there be too much of a good thing? Do our kids have too many things? What makes our kids truly happy? How do we parent our children in a different way from our parents while maintaining authority and control? Kindlon is the co-author of Raising Cain, the best-seller focused on raising boys in today's culture and the subject of a much talked about PBS miniseries. That book has been on my reading list for some time and although it was right next to this one, Too Much of a Good Thing seemed right for me to read right now. I'm up to page 100 and counting. I should probably finish it tonight or tomorrow but I wanted to go ahead and share with anyone reading my blog just how insightful and compelling this book is. I see so much of the way I was raised in it. I see my husband's parents as well as friend's parents, parents of Abby's friends and, sadly, myself. If you are a parent and you have concerns about the state of America's children - unable to take responsibility for their own actions with no sense of accountability, prone to drug and alcohol abuse, no concrete sense of values and ethics and an overwhelming sense of apathy, sadness and self-loathing - then this is the book that makes sense of it all. It has opened my eyes to the complacency I have let creep into my own home and it has also affirmed my belief in the importance of certain things in our life that I believe we are doing well. I will probably post again when I finish it and have taken it all in. Meanwhile, if you have read this far, share your own feelings about the excess our children are surrounded with. Do you have rules in your home about the TV? Computer? Limits on what you will spend on toys? Have your children ever wanted for anything? I'm just curious as to how other parents feel our consumerism is effecting our kids. I heard Abby playing this morning and her dialogue went something like this, "when we have a better house, we can get more stuff for it!" and I am left feeling a little sick to my stomach.