Time Time Time

Things have been kinda crazy around here lately. I went ahead with Miss Charlsie's Closet, my online vintage clothing store, am still writing up a storm for AMTC, and I have agreed to build a web site for a new business Baxter and a few partners are forming, REO Consultants, LLC. Needless to say, I've been busy. My online sales are going well, although it has been more time-consuming than I realized. I love the vintage clothing thing. I just sold a blue chiffon dress with feathered skirt that I was in love with. It is the kind of dress that makes you say "OOOOOOOOO" when you pull it out of the closet. I wanted to try it on; but realized with my first auction that I part with things easier if I haven't seen myself in them. It's kind of like the theory that if you live on a farm, you should never name your pigs -- but a little sexier. It ships off tomorrow along with some opera length kid skin gloves, two gorgeous painted wide-brim straw hats and a pair of pink marabou mules that I'm shipping all the way to Berlin to a man with a shoe fetish. It's just fun. With all of this going on, you would think that I would be so excited to ship my kids off to school next week. Well, I'm not. Not even close.

If you know me well, you know that I am very particular when it comes to my kids. I research strollers, bikes, shoes, shampoos. I scrutinize underwear. Don't even get me started on food. I have become so picky with what my kids eat that I would probably drive most of you crazy. So, imagine what I was like over the past 2 to 3 years when deciding what school to send Abby to. I have done online research. I have studied demographics. I have taken the tours, talked with teachers at every school and grade level, consulted parents and completely bored my husband to tears. I have read every newspaper article that has to do with education in the last 3 years. I have gone back and forth between public and private and then between which private and which public. I made firm decisions, only to rescind them. Finally, I committed. We chose Whit Davis Elementary school, public but with a good reputation. We registered. We talked it up to Abby every time we passed it by. We told everyone who asked, this is where she is going...

Well, not anymore. I really think my indecisiveness was symptomatic of an underlying problem. She is stressed out. She is not that happy in school. She wants to please us, but she is worn-thin. The past year was very difficult for her. She experienced loss in our family twice with the death of both great-grandmothers. She fell very ill from the flu and missed a month of school. On top of that, somewhere along the way she missed something there. Somewhere, she picked up the idea that reading is boring, that she doesn't like it and she would rather not try. None of that is acceptable to me. Weighing my options for the upcoming year, I have made the decision to home-school her. I'm going to take one year and see what happens. I have my reservations (mostly time-related) but if I don't have 3 hours a day to spend with my child, something is terribly wrong. So, I recently learned to juggle, now I have to learn how to juggle a little better. I'm going from soft balls to bowling pins. But I can do it, right?

So, I'm taking a break from the store while we have a short vacation up in the mountains. I'll get my curriculum together and get ready to dig in my heels.

how NOT to make shrimp and grit cakes...

What a beautiful dish, huh?

Last night, on the spur of the moment, I decided to tackle one of my favorite southern dishes: shrimp and grit cakes. I looked in my fridge, rummaged through leftover veggies and such and determined that I had everything to make this, so why not? One key ingredient for this dish that I happened to have are leftover grits in some type of mold. How perfect. So, I read Mrs. Rombauer's instructions (that's Joy of Cooking if you're not familiar - we're like old friends now) and I assembled my ingredients. Working quickly, I peeled my shrimp, made a broth, prepped my side dishes, and sliced and fried my grits.

Oh my. I have never fried grits before. Not only that, but I am a big fan of real old fashioned grits - Daniel Boone Stone Ground Yellow Grits - to be exact, which are really coarse compared to what you get in most grocery stores.

Find these wonderful grits at http://boonvillemill.com/products.aspx

Well, all I can tell you is, this recipe is definitely not for that caliber of grit. Those big, coarse-ground pieces of corn started popping like popcorn right out of the pan! I grabbed my splatter screen and covered it up thinking that as they browned on that side, it would settle down. I was wrong. I lifted the screen to turn them and splats and splatters went every where! I actually had to hold the screen up to my face to protect my eyes while I reached with the spatula to flip them. Meanwhile, stuff was flying everywhere! I eventually got them out of the pan and scraped it clean, ending the fiasco. I looked around my kitchen and my stove, counter tops, floor, cabinets, wall -- everything -- was covered in grits and grease. My splatter screen had dripped oil all over the floor while I was covering my face. It was absolutely horrendous. I had to stop everything I was doing and clean up just so I could get to the stove to make my shrimp and sauce! By the time the dish was ready, I was proud of how pretty and delicious it looked (and it tasted even better!) and so I took a picture. What I should have done was capture a shot of the messy kitchen - but I'm more of a columnist than a breaking-news reporter. My advice to those who seek adventure is, turn to the kitchen. Here's a little gem of old Savannah wisdom:

kissin' don't last . . . cookin' do

Things I Would Miss

There are a lot of things that you miss out on when you decide to have a family. For instance, it would no longer be prudent for Baxter and I to go sky diving, base jumping or hang gliding. I suppose one of us could try it as long as the other kept their feet planted firmly on the ground. But then how would we decide who went? Which one of us would the kids need most? I guess we'd better not go flying among the clouds. I even know one couple who are so afraid of their children being orphaned that they never fly on the same plane together. They go on lots of trips - they just take separate flights! Now, that's taking it a bit far, but maybe it helps lessen the panic for them.

There are a lot of other things you miss out on that aren't so huge. I love the movie Knocked-Up and its' take on becoming a parent. Katherine Heigl's character can't keep going out to clubs (they won't let her in with the bulge), Seth Rogen's character finally stops smoking pot and Pete, the brother-in-law complains that he'll never be able to go to India because of his family. Of course, by the end of the movie, perspective is all set back into place by the birth of the baby. If only life were as simplistic as a movie plot. In reality, we all feel deprived from time-to-time. This is especially true if you don't make enough time for other un-kid-related-interests or if you neglect your marriage.

I recently joined Facebook. A few days ago, I read over someone's profile and it described her perfect day as, "waking up to Curious George and falling asleep watching Barney." For about a day after I read that, I remember thinking, "gee - that is NOT my idea of a perfect day. Not even close...am I a bad mother?" I let this thought eat away at me. I think it really effected me. I even overindulged my children and literally let them watch TV almost all day. We began waking up to Curious George and ended with Dragon Tales (I don't allow the big purple dinosaur into my home, even when grossly effected by facebook profile envy.) And I have to say, that is not me. No, I have to have grown up interaction. I have to leave my house once in a while. I have to wear makeup and I still enjoy getting dressed up and feeling like a woman (not just a mom).

But am I missing out on things because I'm a mom? Of course not! I have constructed my life to be exactly as I want it. I don't ever "wake up" to reality because I bask in my reality every day. There are, though, plenty of things I would miss if I were not a mommy. Most of these things are fleeting - I know that when they're grown I will only have these memories. So this post is a reminder to cherish the small moments that surround us.

I would miss Ford dragging me up the stairs by his tiny hand. It is always a little bit sticky and always warm. He looks up and smiles at me with that winsome grin that tells me he is still unspoiled, still innocent, still a pure spirit of love and goodness. He is all boy. I would miss his imaginative games like when he pretends to be a super-hero or a cowboy. I would miss seeing him play the harmonica or guitar and making up blues-type songs like, "You Get Time-Out". I would miss his determination to run around the house without any clothes on, especially, it seems, when neighbors or friends are just about to ring the doorbell. I would miss his love of chocolate and the elaborate schemes he concocts to sneak a cupcake or a tootsie roll when nobody's looking. I would miss the way he hugs me, with a firmness that is missed in the hugs of older children and grown-ups. He wraps his arms around my neck and holds on in a trusting and sincere embrace. I would miss his bravery, his composure, his frustration and all of his little victories.

I would miss Abby who is always ready for female bonding. We paint our toenails together, have makeovers, put rollers in her hair, listen to "girl music", watch Nancy Drew, go shopping, bake and talk. We talk all of the time. She asks me questions almost constantly and I do not find it aggravating or annoying. I love her questions. Some of them are simple like, how do they make lemon drops? Some of them are more complex like, "what is a divorce?" or, "will I ever die?" A lot of the time, I know the answers. I can reason out and explain why air is invisible or what gravity is. I can tell her about the tides, the phases of the moon, what a mammel is or why boys can't have babies (which is apparently no longer accurate!). Some of her questions require more forethought, sensitivity or even a little research. My goal is always to answer her questions honestly, no matter what they are. I think this makes us especially close and I would miss out on one of the most important relationships in my life if I weren't a mother. I would miss out on all those teachable moments, insights into life and new discoveries that her questions inevitably bring. I would also miss her sweet heart and her endearing nature. I would miss seeing her grow from a beautiful baby into a beautiful girl. Someday I will see her grow into a beautiful woman.

So, to all my friends out there who are not mothers but are thinking about it: you won't miss a thing! And to all of those who know what I'm talking about: never, ever, take it for granted.

Tag - You're It!

I know I have a few mommies out there who peek at my blog from time to time and I got this idea from reading my friend Jennifer's blog, Crossroads. This is all about my first born. So, here's my answers and maybe some more of you can play along!



1. Were you married at the time? Yes.

2. What were your reactions when you found out you were pregnant? I was a little shocked at first since we only really "tried once" to get pregnant and BOOM there we were, parents-to-be!

3. How old were you? 25 when I found out, 26 when I gave birth.

4. How did you find out you were pregnant? My brother-in-law and his wife were down in Savannah visiting us and she made a comment about how huge my boobs were and I told her that I was just a few days late. We decided to get up early the next morning and go buy a test before the boys were up and that's just what we did. Baxter had gotten out of bed while we were at the store debating about which test to go with and was waiting when I walked in. He was really surprised that I was going to do a test and I think he thought we were both a little nutty. I went back to the bathroom and did my thing, came out, put the stick on the mantle (all dramatic like) and then when the time was up, Baxter and I looked at it at the same time and --- positive!

5. Who did you tell first? Besides Baxter, Spencer, Claire and Hannah who were there, we sat on the news for a couple of weeks. It was close to Father's Day and I thought we could do something special for our Dads. I had special Father's Day cards printed for each of them and we made a trip to Atlanta and then Athens to break the news in person with the cards. My Dad didn't get it at first. I had to make him read it at least 2 or 3 times! My father-in-law read his card at the table at the country club so everyone in Athens knew within minutes after that!

6. Did you want to find out the sex? I knew the sex. When I was only 2 weeks along (and didn't know of course), I had this weird dream about finding a baby girl in a basket on our doorstep. She was beautiful - I mean beautiful! When I found out I was pregnant, I just knew it was a girl. I immediately went out and bought the most Barbie shade of pink I could get at Home Depot and started planning. Later the sex was confirmed, but I never doubted before that I would have anything else.

7. Due date? February 10, 2003
8. Did you deliver early or late? 5 WEEKS early on January 8, 2003
9. Did you have morning sickness? I got a little nauseous but I never puked with either one
10. What did you crave? Fruit! Especially exotic varieties. Also, spicy foods, barbecue, carrots with ranch dressing, and PINTS of lemon ice cream
11. Who irritated you the most? my mother, anyone who felt they could reach out and stroke my belly and most nurses that I encountered - sorry, nurses
12. What was your first child's sex? Girl
13. How many pounds did you gain throughout the pregnancy? 42
14. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy? I was put on bed rest at about 32 weeks which almost drove me completely insane. I had early contractions and then my water spontaneously burst at 35 weeks.
15. Where did you give birth? In Savannah at St. Joseph's-Candler Hospital
16. How many hours were you in labor? I went into labor on Monday the 6th, just before midnight and she was born on the 8th at 8PM. You do the math.
17. Who drove you to the hospital? Baxter
18. Who watched? Baxter
19. Was it natural or c-section? Natural (with help from epidural)
20. Did you take medicine to ease the pain? I took whatever they gave me...
21. How much did your child weigh? 5 lbs 8oz
22. Did your child have any complications? A little jaundice but nothing else
23. What did you name him/her? Abigail Mayes
24. How old is your first born today? 5 1/2

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Yes, I have just returned from the beach. Yes, I have great pictures of the kids and great stories to share from our trip. Yes, I wish I were back there right now. But today I am not going to write about vacation. I am much too busy to even think about how relaxing it was down on St. Simon's Island. I am so anxious about other things that I cannot possibly focus my attention on wading for hours searching for sand dollars or coming home with what might possibly be called a "tan" for the first time in years. You see, I have taken on something new - an ebay store. Before we left, I posted my first set of items and today I am due to post more before my first auctions end. I felt nervous like this the first time - but then once they were up, I relaxed. I figured it was opening the store nervousness, but apparently, it's going to ball me up and play with my dream/sleep cycle every time it's time to list. So, even though I'm busy and even though the mother in me wants to talk about the first sandcastle I built with Ford, I am finding this post perfectly cathartic.



Here's how the store came about. A couple of months ago, Baxter's grandmother passed away. She lived here in Athens and I knew her myself for almost 10 years. She was absolutely wonderful. Her name was Charlsie Guimarin Jackson Fulwiler and she had this air about her (even in her 90s) of beauty and sophistication. She was born in a tiny Texas town that never was big enough for her. She lived and traveled all over the place in her life. She worked for Neiman Marcus as a window dresser and something of a "design display consultant". She was quite a talented artist in her own right and we have several pieces in our home that she did that I will always cherish. She was married three times (twice to the same man) and best of all, she knew how to share all of her experiences with people. She could tell a story that would captivate a lonely bachelor from south Georgia or endear her to the rich and powerful jet setters she so often found herself in the company of. All along the way, Charlsie collected things - antiques, jewelry, photographs, memories - and a TON of clothes! So, I am now the proprietor of "Miss Charlsie's Closet", an ebay store, playing host to her memories of fashionable days gone by. Some of this stuff is amazing but I've been a little scared to touch the amazing stuff yet. Part of me knows that somewhere she's proud of me - it is exactly the type of thing she would have done, create something beautiful, exciting and maybe even lucrative out of a tragic loss - and part of me is worried that I'm going to disappoint.



So, there you have it. Now I have to take a little bit of Charlsie's vivaciousness and lust for life and apply it here. Right here through my keyboard. Wish me luck . . . and visit my store!



http://stores.ebay.com/Miss-Charlsies-Closet